Thoughts by Patty Maloney

Webmaster’s note: This appears to be Patty expressing herself in her own words. It was likely dictated to a typist who did not spell well (note burrows instead of boroughs) or care about balancing quotation marks. Therefore, I have left the text exactly as Hanna-Barbera sent it to me in 1985.
James H. Vipond, 2002 December 01; hyperlinks updated 2012 October 14; photograph changed 2013 August 20


Small....Me....I never really think about it. When people turn on the street to look at me. I always turn myself to see what they are looking at. When I would realize that it was me they were watching it would sometimes upset me, especially as a child. I remember my mother saying: "people always look at you and smile, don't you think you're lucky they don't look at you and feel sorry for you?" FEEL SORRY?...No that's one thing I would never want. I'm really lucky to have a mother and father like mine, lucky to have been raised in an environment knowing I was not different from anyone else and being treated just like my brother and sister. I really feel that accounts for my thinking. One day if I have my way, people will know that a person under 4 feet can be taller than many 6 footers. It's all in where you're at. Problems?.....Of course there are problems, but name one person who has none. It's how you face them that's important. You can make a choice, go through life with a sour attitude, a chip on your shoulder.....or accept your fate and deal with it. I can honestly say that I would not trade places with anyone (with the exception of Frank Sinatra's wife) and given the choice would not change a moment in my life. Darla Hood with clipboard

What do I want?.........
To be the best I can in my career and that is; being the best actress, dancer and singer I can. That's why I still take classes, you can never stop learning and honing your craft to be better, to excel.

What do I despise?.............It's people who slide through life, like getting there just because you're small and never trying to improve yourself. You just pay your dues and collect the hash marks. I've got plenty.

I know that the first time that people see me as a performer they say: "isn't she cute." But I have always strived for the moment when cute leaves and they say, "isn't she good!" The Donny and Marie Show did that for me. Most people who recognize me from that show always say...."you're a good dancer and that's the greatest thing I can hear."

I honestly feel that the time is right for a TV series about little persons. I believe the public would love to know all about us. Just seeing their reaction toward me after the shows I have been on, I know they are ready.....And so am I. The next question is: "What would it be about?" I have always said, have a team of writers follow me for a couple of days and you've got a script.....

Going to 2 different supermarkets cause I can't reach the pickles at one and I can at the other. Trying to get into a market where the electric eye is too high; I once couldn't get in without waiting for someone to walk in with me. After shopping I started out with a small bag in my arms and couldn't get out because I didn't weigh enough. What do people do when they send their kid to the store for a quart of milk, Measure and weigh them!

Working in animal costumes to help pay the rent. Working as an IBM operator to help pay the rent. My first animal costume was a promotion deal at state fairs. I was "Rocky the Flying Squirrel and Pat Cooper was "Bulwinkle the Moose." We would do our little show then run dripping wet from the heat in those costumes to the nearest bar for a cold beer. Pat would always say..."if the kids could only see cute little Rocky now!.....sitting at the bar with a large glass of beer in her hands."

My first IBM job was with National Airlines in NYC where I used to lug file trays around by putting them on a chair with wheels and rolling them in and out of the Computer Department. I was promoted from Key-Punch Operator to Computer Operator........No keeping me down. On week-ends I would get out my chiffon gowns and subway to the outlying burrows like the Bronx where I would perform my night club act with stars such as strippers, belly dancers, drag queens etc. When I was putting my club act together, I worked from mid-night to eight a.m. at the airlines so that I would have my days free to work at the studio on my act.

Working with Totie Fields in her night club act......
I first met Totie on a TV Special, she played a queen and I was Ann Sothern's pet dog. Somehow through all the fur Totie must have noticed a little talent 'cause she asked me what I was doing the following month. Since I had no other big offers I agreed to go into rehearsal to open with her in Las Vegas for three weeks.....The three weeks turned into four years. Many things happened during our engagements. Like Totie shopping with me in the kids departments, helping me find someone who would make shoes for me, disliking most of my boy-friends, appearing on stage in identical gowns but making the mistake one night of wearing different colors. Encouraging me to buy my house. Sending me off one week-end to see my boy-friend with a care package of food 'cause she said he was too cheap to buy me a meal. Patty at manual typewriter

Relationships with children.....Like little boys who really fall in love with me, children who come up to me in stores and help me shop. They seem to feel a great need to talk to me and they love finding out things about my life. They are amazed at my driving a car, wearing make-up, dressing in high heels, it's all the things they can't wait to grow up and do and here is someone their size doing it all. I once played a great love scene with Florence Henderson's son Robert in a Miami hotel lobby. Robert was returning to Los Angeles after visiting his mother who was appearing with Totie. Robert was 12 and small for his age, being just a little taller than me, we had adored being with each other and he planted such a kiss on me that I promised to wait forever for him to get older...not taller.

Working on TV shows..........
Once, while I was doing the Osmond show the set designer called me, as I was doing a sketch with Paul Lynde where I was selling my house and he Paul was the real estate agent. Since the house was scaled down in size, the designer asked me over the phone if I had any little furniture for the set as he was having trouble finding a small couch, chair etc., I told him that I did not own a piece of small furniture, then I asked him; what if I did, will you send over a little van and move out all my little furniture and take it over to the studio?

Dating ............. Tall and Short Guys.......
Once I dated a little guy who worked for Oscar Mayer and drove around town with him in a chefs uniform in a Weinermobile. After spending a few days with him in San Francisco I was due at the airport just as his business day was ending, so we had no choice but to hurry to the airport in his weinermobile. The look on the face of the porter was wonderful; as this big hotdog pulled up to the curb, the huge door opened and I stepped out with my luggage, I looked at him, he looked at me and I said, "Don't you have any idea how expensive it is to rent this limo?

I once dated a drummer and went to an engagement with him. While setting up he picked up a drum and wrenched his back. At the end of the show, picture me packing up the drums and helping to carry them all out to load in the van. It's true,and very heavy work too.

Taking acting class and doing scenes with tall guys for example someone as tall as Paul williams and doing the Owl and the Pussycat.

Doing scenes for little children and having my chest bound so as to look like a little girl.

Buying a car and going for fittings on the extensions and seat cushions.

Going to auditions for all ages.

Taking dance classes.

Working in a puppet show and doing 10 shows a day.

Expecting your big break as a dancer on TV and finding out after a feature article had appeared in your home town paper that you are but a baby kangaroo.

Having a jacuzzi put in your house, getting into it, and it's over your head.

Patty Maloney


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